The Universal Notebook: Season's greetings and other political corrections

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Season’s Greetings, dear readers in Forecasterland,

(& various others appended by ampersand).

We wish holiday cheer and a glorious year end

To citizens public & private, old foe & good friend.

Bonne Année, Messrs. LePage et Michaud,

(Which seems to rhyme with both low blow & true blue).

Congratulations, Congressman Poliquin, Emily Cain,

Representative Pingree and young Whatshisname.

Best wishes, Senators Collins and King.

Better luck next time, Eliot, old thing.

This was one of the strangest elections we’ve seen,

Witness the miscounted Cathies – Manchester, Breen,

Both gracious in victory and in defeat.

Maybe Sen. Plowman should give them her seat.

A “mis-recount” is new to Maine political lingo,

But at least not the fault of Long Island clerk Singo.

They’d like us to believe it was a simple mistake.

They counted votes twice? Give me a break!

So party on, dudes – Dunlap, Diamond & Katz!

Harriman, Strimling, Nemitz, lace up your skates;

The 2014 afterparty will be out of the box!

Let’s invite Mary Mayhew and Kaci Hickox!

DHHS couldn’t have done much worse,

But please stop calling Kaci “The Ebola Nurse!”

Maine now has no epidemiologist, no CDC head,

What we have is Dr. LePage instead.

He and the other GOP regals

Simply blame all diseases on Obama’s ill eagles.

Still, as DHHS is dismantled, we’d like to know

What Ms. Mayhew did with Guy Cousins and Therese Cahill-Low.

Boss Paul himself could not have been speedier

Than when blaming his dumb welfare crack on the media.

But speaking of fraud, what’s the straight poop

On that plagiarized report from the Alexander Group?

Oh, well, that’s all old news,

As is almost any Maine mill you might choose –

Old Town, Great Northern, Verso sold for scrap,

As dead as the bears we can still bait, hound and trap.

The joy of the season, IF&W, you bear-hunting shills!

Happy holidays, all you Maine Millses!

Merry Christmas, Dora Anne, Janet, Peter & Paul,

Not to slight Superior Court Justice Nancy at all.

She ruled we can all access Cedar Beach.

And the Supreme Court has extended that reach

To include Goose Rocks in Kport as well.

This may littoral-y work out, you can’t tell.

Now let’s all lift a glass to toast

One of the cities we admire the most –

South Portland impressed us a heck of a lot

For saying No to tar sands and Yes to pot!

When asked if legal she would try it,

Mayor Cohen just said, “Man, what a Riot!”

Good luck to President Flanagan and the USM trustees

As they bring that Metro U to its knees.

Forget liberal arts, it’s now all about dough,

Just ask ousted President Kalikow.

Here let me send a holiday hi and hello

To the Forecaster staff, Karen, David and Mo.

I missed the staff party, but Sun Media Groupers

Are apparently off-premises party poopers.

But hey, welcome aboard, Julie McDonald-Smith,

Cheerful champion of conservative myth:

Take personal responsibility, be a mensch

Like M.D. Harmon and Susan Dench!

Huzzahs to my critics, anon and online!

I won’t change your minds nor will you mine.

Eddie (Moon) Beem loves it when you get all misty

Over bully boys like LePage and Bridgegate Chris Christie.

There’s very few things we can all agree about,

But the Downeaster train barn we can all do without.

This first Christmas in Brunswick, Home of the Dragon,

Will be a great one, just sayin’, not braggin’.

We had 32 good years in Yarmouth, alas,

But please don’t tear down that overpass.

If I‘d stayed, I’d oppose it, not pass it,

Unless you want Yarmouth to look like Wiscasset.

(Now take five. Be right back.

Gotta run & get a snack.)

Felice Navidad & Feliz Año Nuevo

To the good folks at El Camino, El Rayo,

Bruce’s Burrito &, of course, Taco Trio!

Oh, how we love salsa verde con brio!

This move has seriously altered our diet;

If you can eat it in Brunswick we’ll try it.

Burgers at Fat Boy’s, Danny’s for dogs,

Flip Side for pizza, Bisson’s for hogs,

Schnitzel at Richard’s, curries Bombay-Mahal,

New Year’s Resolution – try one and all!

We’ll of course stop at Toots on the way up to Casco,

But for frozen confections, it’s now Gelato Fiasco.

Wild Oats and Morning Glory sure are dandy,

But we do miss Rosemont and Andy’s Handy.

Ciao, Jeannie & the folks at Cia,

Smaha’s, Farm Stand, Otto pizzeria.

Farewell, Royal Bean, RIP.

Hello, Little Dog, make mine tea.

And here’s a shout out to the geezers of a bygone day

Who gather themselves at Toddy Brook Café.

Though new on the Brunswick Democrat rolls,

We applaud Senator Stan and Benet Pols

Judge Tucker & State Rep. Mattie Daughtry.

Time to wrap up? Oh, really? Ought we?

OK then, farewell Dick Woodbury. You were super,

But so are Cathie Breen and Janice Cooper.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy New Year, too,

A joyous Kwanzaa & Happy Yalda to you.

A liberal cheer for all those who fight the good fight

For the poor, for the workers, for what’s true and what’s right,

For the immigrants, for the environment, for the old and the new,

Peace on earth, dear readers, and God’s blessings on you!

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Freelance journalist Edgar Allen Beem lives in Brunswick. The Universal Notebook is his personal, weekly look at the world around him.

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