Season’s greetings! Be of good cheer!
Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy New Year!
Have a blessed Bodhi Day, a joyous Mawlid al-Nabi,
Have fun at Festivus and a great Pancha Ganapati!
Together we’ve weathered 2015 –
The most hotly contested year that we’ve seen.
Between climate change and the GOP
America heated up to the nth degree.
Here in Maine, the Gov’nor hogged most of the news,
Badmouthing everyone who did not share his views.
Let’s hope he cools it in 2016.
He’s an impeach of a guy, if you know what I mean.
Bully for you, Big Guy! Best wishes to all,
Even those whose hearts are two sizes too small!
Now raise a glass to make all Millses merry!
To Peter, Paul, Janet, Dora, Judge Nancy & Barry!
A toast to liberal ladies Cooper, Gideon, Breen,
Russell, Rotundo, Daughtry (Mattie, I mean.)
And a tip o’ the cap to more conservative folk –
Sanderson, Sirocki, O’Connor & Volk!
May you all do the best that you can
Like Judge Tucker and Senator Stan,
Angus, Chellie, Bruce, Emily Cain
(Who seems to be running an eternal campaign.)
Sayonara, General Campbell, Rachel T. Ross,
John Fitzsimmons, Coach Cosgrove and your history of loss.
Farewell, Nova Star, G.M. Pollack, Videoport, Verso.
The economy gets better, but business gets worse-o.
We thought Land for Maine’s Future was a thing of the past
Until the Governor relented at last
And reluctantly agreed to float
The bonds we overwhelmingly passed by our vote.
Power to the people! Let freedom reign!
Concealed carry now applies to every yahoo in Maine!
But let’s hope background checks gain some real traction
As irate Maine Moms Demand Action!
Thank you, OPEGA, for making it clear
That extortion is now SOP here.
Speaker Eves, to put it succinctly,
Got screwed out of a job at Good Will-Hinckley.
The House may yet decide to proceed
With a trial in the Senate, which is just what we need,
But it would be a lot easier to get an impeachment vote
If Jack Moore had held onto that handwritten note.
And 2016 could be the year
That we finally get a national monument here –
Not as good as a park, but we don’t care.
Thank you, Roxanne Quimby and Lucas St. Clair!
Next year we may also legalize pot
And give ranked choice voting a shot.
Not to mention the candidates still left on the stump;
Will it be Sanders, Rubio, Cruz, Hillary or Trump?
So out with the old and in with the new!
Good luck, Michael Brennan and Ethan Strimling, too.
Both L.L. Bean and Bowdoin have new CEOs.
Welcome to Vacationland, Stephen Smith, Clayton Rose!
And this doggerel would not be complete
Without toasting Bill Nemitz! Prosit!
Salud, Mike Tipping, Als Diamon and Caron,
Ted O’Meara, Gordon Glover, Dennis Bailey, Susan Sharon!
Best wishes to each and every Forecaster pundit!
Free speech is great as long as they fund it.
Live long and prosper, Marian, Julie, Halsey, Orlando,
Mo, Abby Diaz and global smart Stevoe!
Now, with apologies to Clement Moore & Doug Coffin,
(Whose “One Maine Christmas Eve” I read grandkids often)
I expect a long, sustained standing ovation
For this unmetered parodic peroration.
Now Paulie! Now Mayhew! Now Bennett and Aho!
On, Butera! On, Steele! On, McGough and Denico!
To the bottom of the barrel! To the last penny to pinch!
To the dustbin of history. Away with you, Grinch!
When it comes to Maine Present only one thing is sure:
The one thing that’s increasing are the ranks of the poor.
But Maine Future can be bright, beautiful and clear
If we act out of hope and compassion, not greed and fear!
May you be prosperous and well in the New Year!
“To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”
Freelance journalist Edgar Allen Beem lives in Brunswick. The Universal Notebook is his personal, weekly look at the world around him.