- Police Beat
- The Forecaster
Should Edgar Allen Beem ultimately support fiscal realities or will he buckle to family, guilt-driven priorities with an $80, well-adjusted, semi-range fowl. Will collective conscience demand a leathery piece of natural meat tracing its life from happy egg to contented brush to dinner plate, rather than a juicy, bloated bird for $20-something?
If only these poor creatures could communicate their pain instead of relying on a few gifted parties with lucidity to translate the gobblers’ grief-laden visages before they meet their collective ends.
Perhaps the Beems would do well to bring some turkeys home for some ground corn meal? The family could all sit under the table and commune with the gobblers invited to celebrate their poultry (or is it paltry) Thanksgiving? How else could a modern American family relate to traditional dining festivities unless they truly get to know the guest of honor?
How pleasant that a local family is over-analyzing dinner plans into some sort of group-think agenda. Beem can rewrite this holiday activity and rename the day “Thinksgiving.” The new title points to ignoring reason, since the turkeys, both “artificial” and free-roaming, are not capable of thought. Therefore it remains the domain of educated men and women everywhere to debate the fate of poultry and deliver justice to those who are unable to comprehend their own death sentences.
Perhaps we will see an “Occupy Turkey Farms” movement. Turkeys of the world unite! Free the birds!
Beems everywhere: Enjoy a 1 percenter’s meal while the 99 percenters chow down.