On behalf of the unwashed and extremist cretins in the readership of The Forecaster, I’d like to thank you for regularly providing us with the sanctimonious pronouncements of Edgar Allen Beem, complete with a photo to remind us of what a thoughtful and benevolent noble he is as he gazes upon the unworthy. It’s apparent that regularly seeing his photo atop the Opinion Page has helped Beem keep his humility in check; there’s no room for that when you’re out to correct the boorish behavior of the little people.
We are especially grateful for Beem’s recent reminders that expecting laws to be enforced is the last refuge of unreasonable and insensitive xenophobes. And for clarifying that the word “amendment” as it relates to our Constitution is a childish concept clung to by the jingoistic and otherwise unenlightened.
It’s clear that Beem’s view of the “world around him” is having an effect. Just a few weeks ago, he wrote that his mainstream denomination church had something like 180-plus members vote on same-sex issues 10 years ago, but that recently, the 90 or so members voting on the same subject had finally come to their senses and joined the Beem-ians. With numbers like that, how can his influence (and theirs) be denied?